A lot of people don’t know that I have been crushing on my husband since I was 12 years old. It must have been a sign from God (that I totally ignored for many years) because I when I saw him in the hallway at Brentano it was like time stopped for a second. It was one of those slow motion moments, the light from the windows near the stairs beaming behind him, around his head, like a halo. It was like God was saying… it’s him, he is the one for you. But…I was 12, what did I know about signs from God? I missed that memo BIGTIME. My mind was more like daaaaaaang, that boy is FIIIIINE. The sad part was that he didn’t even notice me. (Insert dramatic pre-teen tears.) I was at an awkward age (I had several), dressed and styled mostly by my Dad at that time. The same “stylish” Dad that totally traumatized me by forcing me to get a boy cut which had me feeling like I was SURE everyone thought I was a BOY so I rocked enormous earrings and the brightest red lipstick possible so that if you saw me from the MOON, you knew I was a girl. I REALLY don’t think my Dad accounted for my frizzy curls when he shoved that cut down my throat. So me and my “Vote for Pedro” hair had to tough it out.
Two years fly by, I’m now a freshman in high school. My hair is back and I am feeling myself. It was a warm day and my mom and I had these matching black rompers on with the tube bra underneath in different florescent colors. We were likely wearing scrunchies or a banana clip in our hair when we met up with some friends at Mont Clare Bowl. (I am aging myself real hard cuz that place is no longer there either.) Anyway, we walk in to meet up with them, too cool to bowl, just dropping in to say “what’s up” and there he was. It was THE hottie!! The one my heart paused for a couple years ago. I played it cool when introduced as if I hadn’t already memorized his magnificent dimpled face. My mom and I left and I was like, wow, small world. Never ever thinking anything would become of it. After all, it was this a one-sided admiration, right? WRONG!
A short while after that encounter, my friend tells me that her cousin (Robert aka Fine Guy from Brentano) was asking about me. Wait WHAT!? HEEEEEE was asking about MEEEE!? I was crying over some stupid boy when she gave me this incredible news, so my tears dried RIGHT up as I soaked in the flattery.
Our first date was at Father and Sons. I had the pizza burger and I remember thinking he was such a gentleman because whatever I needed, he asked for on my behalf. Oh, you’re thirsty (cuz you been drooling all over me) let me flag down the waiter and get you some water before you dehydrate girl. He was THAT guy. He always walked me home, even in the SNOW. We were “officially” boyfriend and girlfriend for less than a month before he broke up with me to talk to a “faster” girl. I respected him for being honest. He waited until after Valentine’s Day like a real player so that was nice. Getting dumped wasn’t fun but the teddy bear and flowers sure softened the blow to my ego. Because he handled me with such honesty and respect, I stayed in contact with him for many years after our short-lived relationship. We had several arguments over the phone about how I would NEVER iron his pants (I was a real feminist in high school) and he would tease me about everything and anything that he knew would get me yelling at him. He thought it was funny to make me hang up on him. He was pretty conceited and knew that I couldn’t stay mad at him for long.
Through the years, we would attend haunted houses and carnivals together. Enjoy summer nights hanging out with drinks we were too young to sip on with other couples. We weren’t an official couple, we just became one any time we hung out. The vibe being with him always felt so easy and safe. You would think my head and heart would have made the connection sooner but no… There was a moment that I often think back on with such regret. A loving conversation we had in which he really his heart on the line and I still walked away. I shake my head at the thought of how much sooner we could have gotten into a serious relationship with one another and maybe spared our hearts the painful scars caused by loving the wrong people. So much time wasted not loving him and so many tears shed over my bad choices.
Then one day, about four years after our “could have been us” moment, we reconnected. Robert had relocated to Florida and my girl tells me he’s in town and she extends an invitation to a family dinner that was planned. I was welcome to bring Mia, which made me more inclined to go. I remember being so excited to introduce him to Mia. I had already met his child a couple years prior and I knew he would be just as happy to meet mine. Mia was about a year and a half when we attended that dinner. He barely flirted with me but that was kind of his thing, he would keep me on the edge wondering if this was just going to be a friend situation or if he was interested romantically. He had that mystery that kept me intrigued. We made plans to hang out with his cousin, one of my closest friends (and THE match maker of a lifetime) to check out some bars that weekend. We did just that and ended up having the 3a.m. breakfast at IHOP that sobers you right up. As we sit and laugh, talking about how everyone we mutually know is doing, who has kids together, who got married, etc. I say out loud “I wonder who I will end up with” to which Robert quickly (and confidently) answers “ME.” We all laughed it off and sipped our coffee.
He was right. I ended up with him. We were engaged within 3 months of reconnecting. Many hours over the phone we talked about what we wanted for ourselves and for our children. I remember being brutally honest about never wanting to “play house” again with a man now that I had seen how things unraveled when I did that in the past. I was sure I was ready for a husband and I understood if he wasn’t on the same page… But he was. He was ready to hold onto me and not let me slip away again. He followed through on every promise he made. We did the long- distance thing for about 6 months and after many conversations, he moved back to Chicago. We were married at City Hall on October 11, 2003.
We have had some painful experiences as marriage has chiseled away at selfishness, ego and pride. The lessons involved in considering one another and living as ONE is not for the faint at heart. It took a lot of compromise, forgiveness, prayer and strength to adjust to looking at life as no longer as ME, but as US. We endured some really rough seasons and very short lived separations, but we fought our way back to one another, never letting go of our vows. The promises we made in front of our children, parents and loved ones in our church ceremony on June 26th drove us back to the center of our love. We have created life together, we have buried loved ones and grown through many levels of maturity and compromise. We share 28 years of friendship and 17 years of marriage between us. No one knows his heart like I do, and he knows mine in ways no one ever will. Our love story does not measure up to a scripted fairy tale because it is OURS, imperfectly ours.
“Marriage is the closest bond that is possible between two human beings. That, at least, was the original idea behind it. It was to be something unique, without parallel or precedent. In the sheer sweep and radical abandon of its commitment, it was to transcend every other form of human union on earth, every other covenant that could possibly be made between two people. Friendship, parent-child, master-pupil—marriage would surpass all these other bonds in a whole constellation of remarkable ways, including equality of the partners, permanent commitment, cohabitation, sexual relations, and the spontaneous creation of blood ties through simple spoken promises. As it was originally designed, marriage was a union to end all unions, the very last word, and the first, in human intimacy. Socially, legally, physically, emotionally, every which way, there is just no other means of getting closer to another human being, and never has been, than in marriage.”
~Blessing Your Husband, Debra Evans
Vida Taina Luz 
I loved reading this!! 😍🥰
LikeLike